Criticwatch

I've got ten bucks on Jessica Alba hitting 40 years of age and never being nominated for an Oscar. Any takers? Didn't think so.

Movie Title: Awake
Released By:  The Weinstein Company
Tomatometer:  21% (as of Feb 4 2008)

Respected Critics say: "Waking up during major surgery would be horrible. Waking up during surgery and being forced to watch Awake would be truly ghastly." - John P. McCarthy

Confirmed Quotewhore Sightings: (1)
"The year’s best psychological thriller. Intense & edgy…It will leave you breathless! Jessica Alba is stunning!" - Earl Dittman

Wow. No press screenings. Opening cold everywhere. Even renowned blurb-offerer PETE HAMMOND disliked it! And yet the marketing boffins responsible for The Weinstein Company’s Awake managed to find a ‘critic’ to not just offer up a quote, but a quote that invokes the "best of the year" premise.

Seriously. In December. 

Of course, when the Weinsteins need a whorebag, there’s always one guy they turn to (now that Pete Hammond has been drummed out of Maxim) - ‘Easy’ Earl Dittman.

Dittman isn’t know for his good taste. In fact, quote the opposite. Remember what he said about that other recent Alba masterpiece, Into the Blue?

"A heart-stopping, edge-of-your-seat thriller. Jessica Alba gives a knockout performance. It will leave you breathless."

And how much did Dittman like these soon-to-be-classics?

"A shocking nail-biting thriller! It will leave you breathless." (Derailed)
"A shocking psychological thriller. Samuel L. Jackson is brilliant. He will leave you breathless." (Freedomland)

In fact, Dittman loves the Weinstein’s so much that it’s as if he’s taken happy pills whenever he walks into their promo screenings. And Harvey ain’t complaining!

"Exhilarating!" (Grindhouse)
"Terrifying. A tour de force. A worthy companion piece to the original. A shocking masterpiece with twists and turns around every corner!" (Halloween)
"Startling and intense. A terrifying masterpiece." (1408)
"Intense. The scariest film of the year!" (Stephen King’s The Mist)

You can’t make this stuff up… Unless you’re Earl Dittman.  

Welcome to the Whore Cloud, Awake.